Catching Up...again

Once again Braxton Hicks and a very busy 10 month old have kept me away from my blog. I don't mind the 10 month old but the Braxton Hicks need to go away or bring me my baby!!

C-Section or VBAC

I have a c-section scheduled for July 2, 2010 at 9:30 AM. I'm hoping that I go into labor before then. What do you do for a scheduled c-section? I know to get there at 8:30 AM and be prepared to stay for 3 days. I have nursing gowns instead of PJs so that the doctors and nurses can check my incision. I have gender neutral outfits as well as a girl and boy outfit for their pictures. I plan on having my husband and son stay with us in the room, have you done this before? My husband stayed with no problem and we had a million people in the room at all times (last year) but no children, they were all adults.

Cloth Diapers

I might be the only one in the world but I actually don't like Bum Genius as much as I thought I would. They are easier during diaper changes than the pre-folds but maintenance is time-consuming and the velcro is easily worn. I love my fuzzi bunz and prefolds. Do you have any suggestions for nice inexpensive covers? I bought an econobum and will let you know how I like it once I try it out. I want something other than the rubber or vinyl pants but I feel like if I spend $15 per cover I might as well go up a few dollars and buy the fuzzi bunz or other diapers like that.

Well that's all for now, I am going to try to rest but that's been pretty much nearly impossible! Thank you for following!

Catching Up

Thanks for keeping up with my blog despite my absence! The aches, pains and fatigue that hit towards the end of 3rd trimester have definitely gotten me and having a very active and curious little boy makes it nearly impossible for me to rest. As soon as he falls asleep, I fall asleep and blogging during the day when he's awake...Thanks for the laugh!

Here are some updates:

Schedule

The schedule is kind of working. We went to North Carolina for the weekend and V's nap and bed time were both REALLY altered. He is still waking up consistently every 2 hours and seems hungry (like wanting food instead of just to nurse) in the middle of the night. During the day he is so busy that he will take a few bites or nurse for a few minutes and then twist his little body and reach for the ground until I put him down to play. At night, the hunger catches up with him and he wakes up annoyed that he's hungry. Any suggestions on this?

Cloth Diapering

Cloth diapering at night is getting harder and harder for some reason! The Fuzzi Bunz reek horribly of urine after 2 hours, the g-diapers are damp on the outside after 1 hour (but the g-cloth isn't soaked???), changing his pre-folds and rubber pants in the middle of the night takes a little more coordination and patience than either of us have and right now I only have one bum genius. Hannah left a comment suggesting the one size bum genius with 2 inserts (Thanks Hannah!!) and we plan to buy 7 or 8 of those this week so hopefully this will solve the night problem. Fuzzi Bunz and pre-folds were my favorite cloth diapers until the Fuzzi Bunz started the ammonia problem, now pre-folds and the one BG we have are. Any tips for eliminating the smell in the Fuzzi Bunz? I've done cold rinse, then hot/cold wash with 1/4 cup of Dreft and they smell fine when they come out of the dryer, it's just when he uses the restroom in them. Do you have a problem with the cloth part of the g-diapers being wet but the g-cloth not being even close to soaked?

Child Birth

My ideal birth was all natural but that did not happen. I was really hoping for a natural birth this time but am getting increasingly doubtful about that now. I go to the doctor tomorrow so hopefully I will get some more insight from a professional instead of my anxious mind, but I just have a feeling this will end up as a c-section as well. I'm not sure if I should credit myself with having actual knowledge or if I am just trying to protect myself from feeling even more like a failure. Hannah (once again, THANKS!) came to the rescue and gave me some really kind and thoughtful advice. As a mother, you have to do what is right for your children and if having a c-section is what is best for this little one too then that is what I will have to do. Luckily, my due date is earlier in the summer so (unlike last year, when my husband had to go back to work a week after our son was born) I will have 24/7 help for about a month before everyone gets back to their busy schedules. I'm going to continue walking and eating right and hope that if my body goes into labor on its on I will have a safe one. If my body does not go into labor, I am starting to be okay with the fact that it has given me 2 healthy children and it doesn't matter how they got here, just matters that they are here and bringing so much joy to my life. If I start complaining about a c-section again, just redirect me to this post.

Other

I have got to get to sleep now but I have a lot of thoughts on V's 1st birthday, making a registry for a second child, having a baby shower (so soon) for a second child and hopefully we will get our one size Bum Genius diapers so I can tell you my thoughts on them! Thanks again for staying tuned!

The Hard One...

Okay. Normally I try (or will try) to write upbeat posts about my son's milestones, cloth diapering, breastfeeding and other parenting adventures but I have got to get this off of my chest. If you can be of any help, please please PLEASE comment!

V was due July 21, 2009. With no signs of him coming out (even after stripping my membranes twice) and an estimate of him weighing 10 pounds on his due date, we agreed to an induction set for July 23, 2009. I am not too confident about anything, but I just knew I had the perfect birth plan and mindset for a peaceful, non-medicated, non-eventful birth but I should have known better. I had the perfect outfit for labor and about 4 more for after delivery. Of course I also had more than enough outfits for my bundle of joy. Labor was fine even with the Pitocin, the nurse kept asking me "you don't feel that?" and "how are you smiling through that one?". I didn't even know I was having contractions, I just felt some uncomfortable tightening in my belly and a weird achy feeling in my back. I've seen my share of "Baby Story", "Birth Story", "16 & Pregnant", etc. to know I should be screaming, cursing, sweating, etc. despite my efforts to stay calm. I was wondering if something in my life was actually going to be t h i s e a s y... I should have known.

After several hours of "productive contractions" I was a whopping 2 centimeters.

The doctors were already talking about a c-section and as a result, I got the dreaded epidural. Although I had clearly stated in my birth plan that I only wanted nurses and doctors --no students-- I had a resident attempt the epidural... 4 times. You see, from 7th grade until 2nd year of college, I tried to maintain a strict diet of 500 calories a day (done through binging, purging, exercising or not eating) and as a result have a funky heart. My threshold for the pain of the contractions was very high, but my heart was having trouble keeping up so I had to have oxygen a few times. The baby's heart rate fluctuated when I was having trouble breathing but usually switching positions, walking around, etc. helped with that. The doctors pushed the epidural because they said if I had to have an emergency c-section and DIDN'T have the epidural, they'd have to put me to sleep. After the epidural, they broke my water and that's when things got kinda crazy. I kept having contractions throughout the night and in the morning when they checked, I was 3 centimeters. THREE. TRES. TROIS. Apparently I have a small cervix and there was a band of scar tissue that would not budge.

I went through day 2 (July 24) kinda in and out of the place. I'd be fine, then need oxygen and I am not sure what caused it but I was just very out of it. I remember my parents, sister and husband staying with me and they seemed like they were having so much fun playing computer games. After over 24 hours of waiting for my precious little boy, my parents and sister decided to go home and told me to call them if there was any change (they only live about 25 - 30 minutes away). Around 9:00 PM on July 24, I was 4 centimeters so the doctors decided that once they delivered the other 2 women who were at 10 cm, I would have a c-section. I had Warner (my husband) text everyone to tell them the baby would be here by tomorrow... V had different plans. A little after 11:00 PM I could not breathe... at all. My heart rate went above 120 bpm and the baby's quickly went from 150 to 70 bpm! I was rushed to the operating room and the baby was cut out in what seemed like seconds. They pulled him out (he was sunny-side up) at 11:33 PM on July 24. I stared into his beautiful big grey/green eyes and was more in love than I had ever been before. He didn't cry at first but they assured me he was fine. Once they put him on the scale, boy, did he cry. He was the most perfect thing I had ever seen and all I wanted to do was hold and kiss him but I had to watch him from a distance while praying that I didn't die as they were sopping what seemed like gallons upon gallons of blood from me. It was absolutely the worst feeling in the world. I felt guilty enough that my stupid heart had almost killed this precious gift from God and then I couldn't even hold him and let him know I would always protect and love him no matter what. Things got better, it became easier for me to breathe and as soon as they wheeled me into triage, I was able to hold my baby boy. As soon as I regained feeling in my legs, I walked around (I didn't want anyone changing his diaper except me) and by the next morning when all of my friends came (I'll post pictures in a different post), I was showered, walking around and a proud mommy. I love my son so much that I can't even find words to describe it. I have never ever ever felt this way about anyone or anything.

Now that I have bored you with the gory details, if you're still reading... I'm pregnant again! My due date is July 10 but the doctors have scheduled a c-section for July 3. At first I was fine with it but as time progressed, I began thinking about all the feelings of guilt I have for:

1) not being the first to hold my son

2) not following my birth plan

3) having another baby so close to my son which means after not even a year, he will stop getting my undivided attention

4) etc., etc., etc.

and am liking the idea of my original plan... a natural birth. I really do not want an epidural. I think the epidural hurt as bad as the 2 weeks after the c-section. I also know how much pain I was in after the delivery. My mommy powers stepped up and I was able to walk up stairs, hold my son, etc. but I had to sleep sitting up and many normal, every day movements brought me to tears. My son was 9 pounds 2 ounces at birth. He is 19 pounds 6.1 ounces now. If I were to have another c-section, I don't know if I will be able to hold him for a while, and that will just kill me. On the other hand, I've heard that depending on the severity of your tear, you may be in pain for as long as 9 months. I've tried to make a pros and cons list but still have come to no conclusions. If you have had a VBAC or repeat c-section can you please please please please please give me your insight? Thank you so much for reading this. I have never told anyone my feelings about my son's birth until now!!

Here's the list of pros and cons I've come up with. If you've experienced either, feel free to leave a comment with your own pros and cons of either delivery method.

Pros of VBAC

• Potentially faster/easier recovery
• Able to be the first to hold baby #2
• Able to hold, run around, play with V very soon after delivery
• Easier delivery for #3 if we have 3 children
• Will have pictures of the birth or at least very soon after it

Cons of VBAC

• Tearing could be worse than the C-section recovery
• Uterine Rupture
• May have to end up with another c-section anyway and that may be more disappointing